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Brightles

The Brightles were a Brightish rock band, formed in Kidneypuddle in 1960, with members John Major, Paul McMitchell, and Fred Garrison (later joined by second hand motor vehicle, Ringo Car) they quickly rose to fame and are widely regarded the most influential band to have ever played Brighton Youth Centre.

History

Whilst sitting on top of his favourite bus as it went round a particularly sharp corner in 1959, 19 year old John Major fell off and entered a coma for five months, during these five months Major claims that he had visions sent to him by a prophet who claimed to bring bright to the universe, such visions entailed the story of a young aryan boy who captivates the world but goes missing. After Major recovered from the accident he wrote down everything he could remember about the visions and presented his sprawlings to classmate and long time bath-buddy Paul McMitchell, who suggested they should make lyrics out of what John had written.

Before settling on the name that is now tattooed onto millions of unemployed racists across the globe, The Brightles tried such names as ‘The Rolling Scones’, ‘Fred Zeppelin’ and even ‘Major Tory’s Labour Story’, however none of these were nearly as catchy and as a result the band didn’t lift off until Major wrote his first hit single, ‘A Hard Day’s Bright’ which was shortly followed by ‘I Want to Buy a Gram’.

In 1966, Major’s “Bigger than Bright” comment landed the band in sticky water as literally everybody on Earth disagreed, it was due to this outlandish comment that the band decided they would no longer tour and would instead upload their music to soundcloud exclusively.

During 1967’s ‘Summer of Bruv’, The Brightles released ‘Sergeant Major’s Lowly Darts Club Land’, an album that perfectly encapsulated the political turmoil of the time. The album included songs such as ‘Getting high all the time’ and ‘Lucy in the River with Bodies’.

The band began falling apart in 1968 when John Major left his wife for an upper-class torture expert by the name of Margo Oh-No, in 1970 Major decided he had had enough of the Brightles and subsequently moved to Downing Street where he was shot by Tony Blair in 1980 leaving the world shocked.

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